


be my rock, hold me tight

by Cathalinaheart



Category: Marvel 616
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, First Kiss, Grief, M/M, Mentioned Canonical Character Death, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Translation Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22244689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cathalinaheart/pseuds/Cathalinaheart
Summary: The civil war is over, Captain America is dead and Bucky has taken up the mantle.He just wanted to say thanks to Tony for making the new uniform bullet proof.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 15
Kudos: 37
Collections: You Gave Me A Stocking 2019





	be my rock, hold me tight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MassiveSpaceWren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MassiveSpaceWren/gifts).
  * Translation into Русский available: [be my rock, hold me tight](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25447084) by [Ileana_N](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ileana_N/pseuds/Ileana_N)



> Thank you to the_casual_cheesecake who betaed this fic and helped me find a title.

Tony Stark was sitting in a corner of his lab, lights low, and curled into a ball. Bucky could smell the faint smell of whiskey in the room. He spotted an empty bottle in the trashcan next to the sink. That was worrying. Purposefully he let his steps fall heavy as to not startle Stark with his sudden appearance.

“What do you want?” Stark asked without looking up. His voice was rough; whether from crying or shouting Bucky couldn’t tell.

“Wanted to say thanks,” Bucky said, walking closer to Stark. The new uniform had held up beautifully to the bullets. He bitterly wished Steve’s uniform had had the same kind of protection.

“Thank me for what? Getting Steve killed?” Tony laughed bitterly and finally looked up.

He was a mess. Face tear-streaked, eyes puffy, skin ashen and worryingly sunken in.

Carefully Bucky sat down on a rolling chair in front of him.

“That wasn’t your fault.”

It had just taken Bucky a while to see it that way. And Stark knew that, too.

“It’s my fault he was there. And it’s my fault his uniform didn’t stop the bullets”

Bucky tried to discretely smell Stark’s breath. He knew about Stark’s alcoholism and didn’t want to see him lose himself down that road. But apparently, he had lost some of his touch because Stark notices.

“Don’t worry”, he mumbles. “Didn’t drink it. Just poured it down the drain.”

“Good,” Bucky says unable to come up with a better reply.

Silence settles over them like a heavy blanket for a moment.

Then Stark buries his face between his hands and mumbles “I miss him. This was never supposed to happen.” A ragged sob broke from his throat. “Fuck.”

Seeing the man so vulnerable made it hard to keep thinking of him as Stark instead of Tony. So Bucky let this barrier that he had placed in his mind when they started working together fall away.

Thinking of him as Tony was dangerous. It allowed the crush that Bucky had shoved down deep to grow and make its way to the surface. Stark is the man that fought Steve, the director of SHIELD and Bucky’s not-boss. Tony was sweet and cared so much, he shouldered everything himself until he broke under the weight. A crush on Tony Stark was a vulnerability he wasn’t sure he was ready for.

“I miss him, too,” Bucky confessed. “I got my life back for about a second before this idiot managed to get himself killed. He was one of the only good things about my past that had survived.”

“Why am I still here, while he’s gone? This whole mess... It wasn’t worth it.” Tony’s voice was barely above a whisper.

Silently Bucky stood up, sat down next to Tony and pulled him into a hug. He didn’t know what to say to that, to make it better, to make it hurt less. He was intimately familiar with dark thoughts like these; how easy it was to spiral out of control if there was no net to catch you.

Tony cried into his uniform until his tears had run dry.

“I’m here Tony, okay? If you want to talk? I can understand what you’re going through. Let me catch you when you fall.”

Steve’s voice echoed through Bucky’s mind. Once upon a time, he had said something similar to Bucky. In a different lifetime. Bucky suppressed a bitter laugh. When he had fallen, the wrong guys had caught him. He wouldn’t let that happen to Tony.

“I was supposed to be the one that saves you,” Tony said, staring up into Bucky’s eyes.

“Well, looks to me like you’re the one that needs saving right now,” Bucky replied, voice just above a whisper.

Then Tony pulled him into a kiss, holding onto him like Bucky was his lifeline, the only thing that could possibly keep him from drowning. And Bucky clung back. It was hard to believe that he would get this, so he closed his eyes and gave himself over completely to the feeling of Tony pressed against him.

The kiss lasted for what felt like an eternity and no time at all. When Tony pulled away, Bucky was smiling. Until he saw that Tony’s wide eyes were staring horrified at him. Figures that Tony Stark did not want to kiss a mass murderer of Bucky’s caliber.

What was he thinking? That he would be able to offer him support? That Tony would want it from him? It was laughable.

The weight of the uniform he was wearing settled heavily on his shoulders. How could he ever hope to replace Captain America? He wasn’t good enough. Neither for taking over as Cap or for Tony. He was an idiot.

Bucky stood up, evading Tony’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Tony said, voice flat.

“Me too,” Bucky said and then turned to leave the workshop.

Before he went through the door he paused for a second and looked back to Tony.

“I can’t be him.”

Then he was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> In my mind, Tony thought he was using Bucky, possibly even as substitute for Steve and he felt guilty over that. Plus why would Bucky kiss him, the guy that has gotten Cap killed? I think eventually they talk and figure it out together.


End file.
